There is so much to say about my time in Houston that I'm sure a xanga post won't even begin to do it justice. There is a song I often hear on the radio that I think says a lot about where my heart is at this point. It sums up my last several months in Houston; and it sums up my last several years since college. It's a Carrie Underwood song called "Lessons Learned". The chorus is as follows... And all the things that break you
Are all the things that make you strong And every tear that had to fall from my eyes
And every day I wondered how I'd get through the night
Every change life has thrown me I'm thankful for every break in my heart
I'm grateful for every start Some pages turned
Some bridges burned
But there were lessons learned That is the bottom line. Lessons Learned. Boy howdy have I learned some lessons. Lessons about God. Lessons about myself. Lessons about life. Lessons about this ugly, corrupt and evil world. Lots of lessons learned. This morning in church we discussed the passage in Mark where Jesus calms the storm. I feel like my last three years have been quite a storm, and my last 4 months have been particularly storm-filled. But every time Jesus has graciously calmed the storm and restored my peace. What an amazing God I serve! I whole-heartedly believe that God sovereignly directs every step we take and that nothing that happens in our lives is without purpose. From time to time God will bring things into my life that I cannot control or manage on my own. They are opportunities to strengthen my faith and trust in my Savior. They are opportunities for growth; opportunities to see my God move in miraculous ways; opportunities to learn more about who He is and to gain greater respect for Him. Most of these circumstances are so hard, but God is so much better. He provides and cares and loves in ways I could never understand without the difficult circumstances I sometimes face. I am not one to think that my lower middle-class life is full of the same kinds of struggles as a person living in poverty in a third world country, but that doesn't make my struggles any easier for me. And it doesn't mean my faith requires a lesser strength. During our lesson today we discussed Jesus' response to the fear of the disciples in the face of a life-threatening storm. He simply asked them, "Why are you so afraid?" Essentially, he was telling them, "You are secure because you are with me. You are obeying me in taking me over to the other side of the water-- you are doing what I have asked of you. So why are you so afraid?" Why am I so afraid? I am secure because I have Christ and because I know that with every step I am doing what He has asked of me. But I am a fallen human and my nature is often that of fear and frustration rather than peace in the midst of my life's storms. The test of true faith, however, is where we go in the face of fear. The disciples turned to Christ in their fear and their faith, though weak, was rewarded. Christ changed the circumstances that these mere men could not change. Another important aspect we discussed was the order in which Christ responded. With the disciples and the storm he first dealt with the circumstances (the storm) and then turned to teach the disciples. Sometimes the order is opposite. Sometimes we are taught in and through and while we are dealing with the circumstances. He doesn't always take them away first. There are many different ways that Jesus deals with us and each way is always right for the circumstance. Such simple and yet important concepts on which to dwell! The other day I was speaking with a friend and he told me that he was sorry that things hadn't worked out in Houston the way that I had planned. I told him that I was not sorry. I don't regret for a moment my choice to move to Houston. Well, sometimes maybe for a moment, but then I am reminded of all the ways that God has used this time in my life and I can't regret that. I also can't regret the fact that I followed his leading in bringing me here. Things don't always work out as we've planned, but they do always work out as God has planned. And what a relief that is! So... what are my lessons learned?
God has given me so many new perspectives. I have gained a greater perspective into what it feels like to really be a visitor. Not just a visitor to a church or to a group, but to a city and to a lifestyle. I have experienced the deep need to be accepted and brought in and shown the ropes and just invited to tag along. I pray God reminds me of those needs when I'm back in a place where I feel comfortable but others may not. I have gained a new perspective on the health care system in general and the frustration of having limited or no insurance and having to go to a clinic in a strip mall where everything's in Spanish. The frustration of not having ready access to a doctor you know and trust for even something as simple as a TB test. The frustration of feeling as though I can't have a particular medical procedure (in my case, an MRI) done because I don't know the ramifications that it will have on my insurance and I can't afford to pay a dime. I have gained a new perspective on the education system, which may sound funny, but is true. A guy I once dated was adamant about having his kids homeschooled. I was adamantly against homeschooling my children. He would probably be surprised to learn that I'm not quite so adamantly against it anymore. That's not to say that I've decided to be a homeschooler. But I can now understand the desire to do so. Our education system is so screwed up. And much of it is so filled with the teachings of the world that I can't imagine subjecting my children to that on a daily basis. I have been given a new perspective on my little old hometown of Wichita, Kansas. When I was in college I couldn't wait to get back to Wichita and to my friends there. But by the time I moved back my friends were all moving away and the jobs that seemed so promising in that little town never seemed to surface. By this past summer I was utterly frustrated and bored with Wichita and eager to make an exit. I simply could not imagine myself living in Wichita for the rest of my life. Now, I can't imagine myself anywhere else. My friend Abbe told made the comment that "Wichita is not a great place to visit, but it's a great place to live." So true. I miss that slower pace and the fact that I see people I know everywhere I go. I miss my small scale shopping and entertainment options. There really is such a thing as too many choices!! I used to have a debate with my friend Daniel as to whether it was better to live in the country or in the city (city being a relative term, of course). He was sold on living in the country. I told him that I thought living in the country was scary. If you were murdered in the country it could be days before you were found. At least in the city you have the hope that someone might hear the gunshot. The only basis I can find for this rationale of mine is the story of In Cold Blood. I don't know why the country has scared me so much. It's just really dark out there and you can't see danger coming at you. I think my fear is really of the big, wide unknown. But Daniel retorted by telling me that the city was the place where you were more likely to be shot, and even if a neighbor heard the gunshot he wasn't likely to call the cops anyway. I guess he may have a point. Another of my arguments was that the country was too far from the things I needed on a regular basis. I like the convenience of the city. But I must say that after living in a huge city (America's 4th largest), I think I would love nothing more than to live out on a big piece of land in the country; being surrounded by nature and seeing the stars. And this city is so big that it takes me just as long to get to the things I need as if I lived out in the country. There's something to be said for escaping the hustle and bustle of city life. I can't believe I'm saying that! Again, a new perspective. | 
